9 April

What’s the difference between

Review your cracker jokes and cull the weakest ones[1] and then type them out[2] and print them.[3] Cut them into snippets, fold them and put them away… making a note of where you put them in your Christmas book.

09 apr 2016.jpg
Q: What do you give the person who has everything? A: Antibiotics.

“If we went skiing for a week, could you come?” asked Don. “Or could you only do a weekend?”

That’s a tricky one: I’d be happy to have a good, long skiing holiday but I’d hate spending five days of my annual leave sitting in a ski lodge in the rain looking out at the mud.

“When?”

“The school holidays are 25 June to 10 July,” he replied.

I like teachers, I think they’re a vital part of the community and I’m glad my sister and her husband are in the profession but they’re very annoying to travel with because it’s always peak season.

[1] Like:

Q: What do you call a person who’s afraid of Father Christmas?

A: Claus-trophobic.

[2] To be very green, use secondhand paper.

[3] I use a small font to keep the snippets small but, if you’ve got plenty of space, you can use a large font that grandparents can read without glasses (although this was wasted on my friend Jenny’s father-in-law who used to pretend to read a cracker joke while actually substituting one of his own and his sense of humour was – shall we say – nautical, and not suitable for polite company).

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